“Putin’s troops invade Ukraine and assault the capitol; Putin claims he is ridding Ukraine of the Nazis.” When I read this, a small sad voice in my head said, “Oh yes, I recognize this. My ex-husband, having abused me and our son, trampled on our rights and sent his lawyers and hate-spewing minions to overwhelm me and my few helpers so that he could declare victory, separate mother and child, and promulgate the assassination of my character, declaring that he was saving my son from abuse and neglect. When my ex-husband started the custody action against me I had faith that he would be prevented from his outrageous plan. I had evidence of abuse and there was no credible evidence of any maternal misdeeds on my part. I expected a civilized system to protect me and my child. A lawyer advised me to pretend there was no abuse, saying that I would lose if I spoke the truth in court. But as a religious person, a 27 year veteran of the Air Force and a committed patriot, I could not imagine turning a court procedure into a fraudulent playacting exercise. I told the truth and got thoroughly smashed, deprived of all my constitutional rights, impoverished, bankrupted, and slandered and my relationship with my son was crippled. The questions in my mind were “How can he be allowed to do that? Who is going to stop this?”
I am not from Ukrainian background or ancestors. I have no more reason to feel horrified at Putin’s behavior than any other non-Ukrainian person, except for the fact that abusive acts of indefensible violence perpetrated against innocent disadvantaged people was completely reminiscent of the American family court war on battered mothers. All that a biological or legal father who is abusive needs to do is to make up some slander about the mother and run around screaming in indignation about how his rights are being slighted. Like Putin insisting he’s sending peace keepers into a Nazi snake pit, all that is needed to uphold an abuser’s dominance in court is some story he makes up to justify him doing exactly as he pleases. So Putin yells I’ll get rid of these Nazis for you while his tanks crush innocent civilians; and just so an abusive lawyered-up father can claim to be rescuing his children from a vindictive, crazy, narcissistic, over-enmeshed or otherwise defective mother. It is really the oldest story in the book. Slander your victim, scream and holler about your own imagined victimization, ignore the facts, turn the tables, and destroy anyone who gets in the way.
As for the question how can he be allowed to do this, we mothers have had to deal with this question although it cannot be dealt with. Any judge at a family court level can simply write down the phrase “in the best interests of the child” and his decision is nearly unassailable. If a judge chooses not to believe the evidence, he can even prevent it from getting into the record. He can also choose to believe that any particular mother is “unfit”, just as Putin decided Zelensky was a Nazi. He needs no explanation of how he reached his obviously idiotic conclusion. It is so simple that the shock value seems to sweep away all rational considerations. So I, having been entrusted for years with the safety of hundreds of American Air Force crew members on C-5 cargo planes, having been sent all over the world with weapons and training defending American freedom and lives was then not to be trusted to care for my own son on the word of one judge who answered to no one. There is no good answer for why the judge was allowed to do this. Why was Putin allowed to invade Ukraine? Because he answered to no one.
The next question, who will stop this? – this question remains to be answered. European countries are beginning to respond to President Zelensky’s dramatic plea for help. Russian citizens have hit the streets and hundreds have been arrested for anti-war protests, angering Putin. For twelve years I have been on the streets in Zion, Illinois, Springfield Massachusetts, Worcester Massachusetts, Murfreesboro, Tennessee, Westwood, New Jersey, Albany, New York, Nyack, New York, Providence Rhode Island, Sacramento, California and year after year after year on Mothers’ Day in Washington DC.
Because the question remains open of who will stop Putin, it brings the struggle of me and other mothers into stark relief. I have no answer. But the question has become a lens through which I see not only the international atrocity of the Russian invasion, but all personal, political, national, and international acts of violence and victimization.
